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Tuesday, 26 June 2018

Different year. Same thoughts.

It's seems I come back with the same thought process once a year. The sense of unfulfillment but a need to travel and the also own a home. 

At 25, I still don't own a home even though I have been to see mortgage advisors, and I feel there is a big injustice within housing which I would like to go into in more detail at a later date.

I have travelled more, so far this year I have been Amsterdam and Croatia, with Barcelona and The Philippines looming, as well as the possibility of Paris and Italy. I'm lucky in that sense, but again reading through my two previous posts, the travel just does not seem to be enough anymore, there is something else missing and I'm still not sure what. I'm trying not to let the days past by me but I do find myself very bored. If 6 different places in 1 year can't do it, what can? Is there a self help book/blog on this as I would love to read it. 

I seem to come back to this "blog" (if thats what you call someone writing down their ramblings once a year) with the same mind set and nothing seeming to change and I think thats the problem, I'm just plodding along without really changing anything. Yes, I have travelled more but it has highlighted that there is a long way to go.

I seem to have the restraint of to big 30 looming in the next 5 years as some sort of time clock and this is something that I need to tackle. Life is flying past and I have goals set with no real way of achieving them. 

I find this here a release of my thoughts, and although I understand no one reads this and maybe I should just write it all down on a word document to look back on, I like the thought that it is out there for someone to read who maybe also be facing an internal struggle and is also not sure what the hell they are doing in life. 

As RainyBayBlog would say #barelybusyadulting

Friday, 21 July 2017

Little Girl Lost.

I read over my last few posts across the last two years and one thing stood out to me, I am still stuck. The feeling of not knowing has not left me. Yes I went to Bali like I wanted to, and yes I loved it, but the empty, lost feeling is still there. I still feel like I should have spent more time away, but I realise there is no way I could not do hostel living again which is why I go on Contiki's where I share with one other person. I've also realised long haul flights irritate me, so the Fiji trip may always be a dream, and one of my biggest regrets for not doing it while I was in Oz. 

My friends are now at different stages in their lives, long term relationships and babies beckons for them, so even girls trips away are not realistic. I am single so trips away with a significant other also won't happen. Solo trips however will. Somehow though I find this strange. I love being alone, I like to take myself away from things, but I am 24 and I feel that it is slightly weird to that on your own so young. However, do I care? No. If i need to take time away on my won't then it is something I am going to do. I am quite independent and I have no problem being on my own, but sometimes it is comforting to have someone with you, and sometimes, just sometimes, I crave that comfort.

A running theme throughout is a sense of unfulfillment, and I do not know how to cure that. I am stuck in the same position that I was two and half years ago when I came home from travelling. I still need to save for a mortgage but I also want to go the Philippines, Maldives, Dubai and Amsterdam in the next two years. Is that attainable while living in London? No. Is that the reason I feel so lost? Maybe. 

I just don't know how to shake this feeling that has manifested over two years. I thought travel would help, but it has just made it worse.

"You'll be fine. Feeling unsure and lost in part of your path. Don't avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a deep breath. You'll be okay. Even if you don't feel okay all the time." 
Louis C.K.

Saturday, 3 September 2016



I'e been home over a year from travelling. What have I done? Not much really...I went back to Thailand with Contiki in an attempt to curb my need to travel more. Did it work? I'm not sure. I read over a post from a year ago where I said I feel like I had lost myself rather than found myself and I related so much! I'm thinking about travelling again but I am not sure I could hack hostel life, but at the same time I feel like I should have achieved something but here I am in the same position. I still feel lost. I feel like life is flying past and I am just about holding on. I'm 23, maybe I should have achieved something? Maybe I should be doing more. I'm stuck. I can't afford to move out so do I use my saved money on more travel in order to search for fulfilment. I look around me and people my age seem to be doing things. And I am just here. I know I want to go Bali next year, I know I have a list of places I want to go, but I also know that I need to own a home soon, but I live in London is this even possible? I don't really have the money or time for all the things I want to do. Now I am rambling.

I haven't wrote on here in a year, am I sure anyone even reads this? No, but after reading previous post's I felt like I needed somewhere to put my thoughts down. I want to travel, I want to do it all in a year but I want to come home and to be able to own a home and both is not possible. I'm torn. 

I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people but I can't help it when I seem to have done nothing. I feel like I didn't travel enough, I regret not staying away for longer but now I am home I am not sure about an extended trip away in shared dorms. Do I book Bali and book trips around it, or just go to Bali and see.

Has anyone who travelled felt like this? Or even if you have not travelled has anyone felt a little lost in life? I'm not sure what to do with this feeling.

Saturday, 5 September 2015

What they don't tell you about travelling...

Obviously everyone wants to tell you about the positives of travelling, but I thought I would write a post on the things people don't mention all the time.

1. It can get lonely.
Travelling to a new place on your own and having to start over again getting to know people can be daunting. I really didn't want to leave Thailand and the people I had met due to a bad experience t the beginning. When I got to NZ it was hard for me to get talking to people again but thankfully I met lovely people who made it easy.

2. It can get boring.
Sitting on a 12 hour bus from Sydney to Byron Bay is not my idea of fun and the long bus journies can get boring, especially if they're overnight when people want to sleep. Not everyone wants to sit on a bus talking to their new found friend to them so make sure you have headphones/a book to keep yourself occupied.

3. You will have sleepless nights.
The beds are uncomfortable...they're cheap hostel beds so what else do you expect? If you are tired enough you will sleep anywhere.

4. There is always the annoying "seasoned" traveller.
They claim they have been everywhere and love to give you advised about t he most random things. to think they are being nice when really they're constant bragging is downright annoying.

5. In fact there's always annoying people.
The "daddy paid for my trip and I am so rich" or the "I had to work 5 jobs to afford this" and you are there like well we all wanted to travel who cares how we got here just enjoy it or leave me alone.

6. Budgeting is hard.
You planned your expenses down to the tee, but when you get to Queenstown everyone's doing the bungee and you really want to but your budget says no. At the end of the end you are only going to do this once (maybe more if you are lucky) so sod the budget and do the bungee.

Travelling is the most amazing experience but when sometime is only telling you the positives remember there are a few negatives.

Billie xxx

Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Being home

I have been home for four months now and everything is just as it was.I went back to work, I saw my friends and nothing has changed - not that I had expected it to. However, I do feel a longing to go back travelling...but I am not sure I would. Hostel Living was OK short term, but could I do it again? I'm not sure. 

My biggest regret is not flying to Fiji but instead wasting 15 days at the end of my trip in Melbourne/Sydney. It's quite a long flight to go just for a holiday so maybe that will tempt me to go back. I also want to visit Bali and I should have done that while I was in Thailand. I am trying to go back, even if just for a holiday, to Thailand to do the Thai Island Hopper East with Contiki but that only runs from April to September which is a bit hard for me next year.

What I have realised is that I hate routine - getting up, going to work, coming home. I miss the spontaneity of travelling and not knowing what the day has ahead for you, but I am not sure what I can do to generate that same feeling.

I also miss meeting new people every day and hearing their stories and I miss the people I met. I knew that the "we will stay in touch and see each other when we are home" would never happen, and normally I am someone who is OK with that and don't actually care about it, but this time I've found it hard. I miss the people I met and spent time with. Maybe because it wasn't a two week holiday in a holiday resort but an adventure of a lifetime.

Travelling has huge financial implications as well, I need to save to buy my own place but I'm torn to go travelling again. It is all so confusing right now, I thought if I left if for a while this confused feeling would go away - but it hasn't.

I thought I would come home and everything would make sense and I would know exactly what I wanted in life, but the complete opposite has happened - I feel more confused than ever. Everyone says travelling is about finding yourself, yet I feel I have sort've lost myself.

If anyone has any tips on how to get over travelling - please let me know in the comments.

Billie xxx

Sunday, 7 June 2015

Shake Shack Review

As soon as I heard that there was a Shake Shack in Stratford Westfield I NEEDED to go. So on Friday I finally dragged my brother there! As soon as we walked in he remarked "it's just like a McDonalds" and I should've taken that as a warning. After asking the cashier what he recommended, I got a Shake Burger and I can't remember what my brother got but it didn't look much different.

As soon as the food came I was disappointed, it looked lackluster and there was hardly any burger! The fries were hard and cold, and my brother said the cheese on the cheesy chips wasn't great. Then we tried our burgers, it was OK but nothing great, the sauce was a bit sickly after a while. It had the tiniest bit of lettuce and tomato on, not good value for money at all. The drinks were made up of mainly ice! My brother ordered a large half ice tea half lemonade...he might as well have got water as the ice watered it down so much. He was going to get a Shake but he gave that a miss after the terrible food. He was right it was just a glorified McDonalds.

So in summary, it wasn't worth it. I've been told Five Guys is better by some, and by others that that also isn't great so I'm skeptical to try it. Let me know what you guys think of Shake Shack below.

Billie xxx

Monday, 27 April 2015

Travel bucket list

I know I have only just come back from a trip of a lifetime, but there are so many more places I want to visit!

1. Fiji
How amazing does it look? While I was in Oz and NZ a lot of people I met had either been or were going to Fiji and it's something I wish I'd done instead of wasting 10 days in Sydney.

2. Bali
Another place a few people went that I met was Bali which also looks and sounds amazing! 

3. Gili Tragwangan
Ok clearly I just want to go places with nice beaches, but I've heard so many good things about Gili!

4. Vietnam 
I wish I had done Vietnam while I was in Thailand!

5. Cambodia
Another place I had wish I'd done while in Thailand, it looks amazing!

6. Laos
This just looks so beautiful!

7. Hawaii
Who doesn't want to go to Hawaii? It's just the place everyone dreams of going!

I also want to go back to the South Island of New Zealand, especially to do Milford Sound and the Nevis Bungy jump. I also want to go to Perth and Darwin as well as possibly doing Northern Territory of Australia and the Outback!

Let me know where is on your travel list in the comment.

Billie xxx